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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Love Chronicles: You are NOT my father....

So, I'm 20, and I have a thing for older males. My daddy is 63 and my brother is 40 so if you aren't older than them than you're pretty much date-able to me. But only one problem, older men seem to think they are my damn daddy. I mean dude, I know there is a significant age gap here but I'm a grown ass woman. I don't ask you for shit, I don't throw tantrums, you're not financially supporting me so miss me with the daddy shit. You're my man, or potential man NOT my father. I have one of those and damnit I'm kinda waiting for him to kick the bucket!

So what inspired this post? Well I'm talking to a 30 year old (In addition to Mr. Que Psi Phi) and he likes me or whatever. So he'll say something like "call me later" I'll say for him to just call me instead because I'll forget, everyone knows I'm super damn busy including him... He must have said "well if I'm that easy to forget we need not talk then" *pause* first off NIGGA, you're the one sniffing around my draws like a dog in the park, NOT the other way around and I need you to get out your damn feelings real quick like. My day does not revolve around calling or thinking about YOU! I'm not going to drop everything I'm doing to make you feel wanted because this is not how I operate. I'm a young woman with a life, and things to accomplish, either get with it or get lost.

I just don't damn understand it. Just like another older guy I was messing around with but not in a relationship with got upset because he wasn't the only guy I had on my plate.. Umm excuse you but you own no rights to my body or my mind. You don't want a relationship with me and that's fine but why the hell did you just tell me that you better be the only man in my bed.. You said MY BED.. At the house where only I pay bills at? and you're trying to dictate who comes in goes in MY house??

*presidential side-fucking-eye* get your life together. I'm not your child.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Story of My Life

This is the cutest pic ever!!!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Love Chronicles: Riddle Me This

Why would he care who else I'm screwing (not that I am) and he doesn't want a relationship right now.

So, the boo is worried about my sleep patterns, because I don't really get enough of it. I mean I sleep, but at weird hours.. yeah I know. Anywho, I text him and told him the other week "oh and btw, I got some good sleep last night" his reply.. "damn, what did you get some good dick or something?"... *pause*.. does it matter? do you care? why would you ask that??? So of course, I asked him! he said yes he does care, but it's my body and I would do whatever with it... Sounds like bullshit to me.

So now I need a man opinion. I mean I've gotten a guys opinion on this before, but I need a poll, because I'm that chick that likes to make sure I've explored all options. Either it's his ego, he really does want a relationship with me and he's getting possessive. Or I just got some bomb sex and he doesn't wanna share.. I really have no clue. Though he did tell me it was a combination of all 3.. I felt like that was a cop out. Who knows. 

Love Chronicles: Lemme rub you down (yall remember that song)

*sigh* I told yall Lucky Number 7 play football right? This can be used to my advantage (and his too) we get a lot of intimate time in w/o the sex. Just time to enjoy each others company and talk (well as much as I can get out of him) and touch... With oil... because after 2 a days he's worn out, and in pain, and since i have magical fingers, I get the pleasure of making him feel  better. This is nice. This is real nice. I'm so glad that this isn't a strictly sexual relationship and that we actually communicate. I'm itching to learn his love language. Mine are words of affirmation ;). I think his may be quality time or acts of service. Maybe even physical touch. Either or I can deal.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Love Chronicles: You have a call from (blank) an Inmate at...

Dear POTS,
What are we gonna do sweetie? I love you with every fiber of my being but I won't continue to play the fool. You are back in Prison, this time for a year, but you're still there. And I'm here unprotected, unloved, vulnerable and I won't allow you to play on my weaknesses like that anymore. Baby, I'm not 15. I'm not so naive to the world that I think the sun rises with your smile and fades with your tears. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm a woman, all woman, and you have proven I may just be too much woman for you. I appreciate you for all that you've given me, the knowledge the hurt, the pain, the babies with other women, the embarrassment.. I do, because of you I know my worth, and I know that the shit you gave me, isn't what I'll be taking from any other man ever again.

You called me and said you had something for me when you got out.. something real special. For a moment, just a moment I wondered what it was. What you had for me! Then reality hit, you aint got shit for me because you're not in the position to give me anything but lies and game to get what you want. I'm here for you strictly as support because I never want to see you down, but if you think for more than a nano second that I'm gonna trip and fall over your game again. You will regret that thought. I'm so tired of these games you play and only out of love am I even concerned for you or your well being. I don't want to see you fail but honey... if the difference between my success and your success is you pulling me down to pick yourself up, I'm letting go of your hands right now! I refuse to be caught in this bullshit with you when I know that I am a very loving and nurturing woman that wants nothing more than to make MY MAN happy.. and I know that when I find that man it will be forever. I'm an asset, and a great partner, too bad you missed your chance to find that out. I'm moving on slowly but surely.

Love Chronicles: Que Dawg or Omega Man

Oh Mr. Que Psi Phi....
Age: 20
Occupation: Full time student/football player
Sign: Aries (lot in common)
Occasional chiefer, no kids, nice guy, fun to be around, and he lays pipe..... too good. *bless him*
I aint gonna front.. I'm digging this guy, he is definitely a leader, the fact that he plays ball says that he's a team player.. but is he a team PLAYER?? Like.. I know I gotta trust him one day, but he is a starting player on the football team.. AND a Neophyte in his frat.. and though I'm not greek, I do know that ppl tend to get real loose after they cross and with the name NASTY QUE DAWG to live up to, I'm not sure I'm ready to pull out the doggy bowls and shit just yet. While he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him, he hasn't given me a reason to want to love him with everything I've got either. True enough I show him lots of affection (maybe too much seeing that we're just friends) but I honestly don't wanna stop. This guy is the biz, and I honestly haven't felt this way about a man since *sigh* the jail bird.. who by the way will be featured (again) in an upcoming Love Chronicles. But you can't tell a man that you're digging them w/o them thinking you're bat shit or becoming attached and blah blah blah.. so I'll keep it to myself.

So far I've expressed my "interest" in him, but what I haven't said is "you make me look fwd to possibilities"... Because I'm afraid he may think it's much.. and though I'm basically saying "i like u" I can't just say "I like you" because I'm a writer and it's my job to make shit sound better than what it really is. DUH! smh. I am infatuated with this guy. I won't deny it, yes I wished he felt the same way, but no I don't expect him too, I'm perfectly fine with it if he doesn't. It's unrealistic to expect every guy I show an emotion for to reciprocate, doesn't make sense, doesn't have to. It's unfortunate though because as said previously he def has some boyfriend potential my main concern is whether or not he's caught up with being a Que Dawg or Omega Man because there is a huge difference (even though when he licks out his tongue I be ready to cum on the spot.. lawd have mercy, I'm a sinner). Dawgs are just that.. but Omega Men.. oh they are some exceptional brothas.. I've seen them, I want one. And lets not get it twisted, this aint about his letters, he has so much more to offer me than that, but they are a plus because I know he's involved, and he works hard, an achiever hell his GPA is better than mine (who knew jocks had brains) AND he's a gentleman.. or that could be a front. Who knows? But I'm willing to find out.  

I'm such a Wimp

.. Guess what I'm doing right now?? Hiding out in my house! Playing hookie from the gym.. that I pay 30 dollars a month to utilize.. today would have been my first official day BUT when an associate asked me to come she failed to mention she would be with a group.. Ok.. now the reason I joined a 24hr gym in the first place was so that I could work out... uninterrupted and alone if I wasn't gonna be with a friend.. not so an entire group of ppl can watch how my thighs jiggle when I run. Yes, I am very self conscious, I wanna lose about 30 or so lbs and I do not want to do it in front of a bunch of skinny women.. there's a quote that goes something like this "A womans greatest joy is finding a woman fatter than she is".... can't recall who that is by but umm, you get my drift. I'll just wait till 2 in the morning to go.. alone.

Love Chronicles: The Set up

So, my Love Chronicles about the current guy I'm talking to is in the drafts because I got busy, but before I decide to finish it..there's some shit I gotta get off my chest because I know.. I'm dead... ass.. wrong. Mr. Lucky Number 7/ Mr. Que Psi Phi is what he'll be introduced as and he doesn't want a relationship. We've talked about it and after whatever happened between him and his ex I think he's pretty much scarred for life. He's not willing to take a chance with someone new because it's time consuming, you have to get to know them, court them, do your best to impress them and blah blah blah.. it's very draining.. I agree, except that I haven't given up on giving someone else the chance to win over my heart. In fact at this very moment, I am more open than ever to truly being THAT WOMAN.. The best friend, lover, confidant.. all that good stuff. The help mate (and I'm not even religious), I just want to be needed, but not taken advantage of.. Moving on.

He's not ready for a relationship, any other time with any other guy, this would be an issue and I wouldn't stand for it. I've longed ago began to differentiate between just a fuck, and a guy with boyfriend potential.. and he's definitely boyfriend potential despite the scarring, but I guess good women are like bandages right?? We make all wounds better... So I'm wrong because we've been having a sexual relationship, with  no signs of commitment only a "I mean if I didn't care about you I wouldn't let this go so far"... now, I know the game, and I know damn well that a man will take it that far just for some pussy.. will tell you anything u want to hear to get the goods. But.. this guy seems too sincere. I can smell bullshit from a mile away but for some reason when he's near all I smell is roses. He honestly isn't giving me the vibes that he's just bull shitting me, and that's where this set up comes in. He said it clear as day to me, no mumbling no nothing, this is not a good time for a relationship.. he plays football so that's understandable.. This semester I'll be busy with some top secret stuff myself *smile* so I'm all for it. Ok, this isn't a good semester for him.. But hold up, this sounds too familiar. Ok now I remember my best friend told me the same thing after we started fucking then 2 weeks later he had a girlfriend that wasn't me.

I'm not anxious to have that happen again.. I was deeply hurt by that, and I told Lucky Number 7 this. But I also told him, that if he decided I wasn't the girl for him, I wouldn't be mad at him at all because I know I know better than to completely set the red flags on fire just to get temporary gratification.If this doesn't end up how I want it to yes I will be hurt, but no I will not be angry. Because the truth is that this is a set up. And I orchestrated the entire thing.

Ladies take a lesson from me, a man will tell you the truth you just gotta listen. But you can't be upset when you choose to hear what he didn't say.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Love Chronicles: Somebody Loves Ya Baby

So I read a text msg sent from my friends phone to her live in baby daddy it said "What u mean I'm messing with other niggas, dnt nobody else want me, you said so yourself I'm too fat and ugly"... so upon further investigations of my best friends inbox I find what brought on this comment "You need to do something with yourself, I'm tired of your body going every which way, I dnt even wanna fuck you no more." ... Ok.. surely this TRIFLING NIGGA can't be telling THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD (who has never been too small by the way) that he's not attracted to her b/c she gained weight... after having his baby...right? Somebody please tell me I'm wrong.


 But you know. the thing that really puts the icing on the cake is that she let him. How can you let a man bring down your self esteem so much that you're afraid to leave b/c you think no one else wants you. There is somebody out there for everybody no matter who you are, and I've read up on relationships and stuff and what I found out is.. Sex appeal is 50% what ppl see, and 50% what you make them believe!

It really hurts my heart to see her this way, I mean.. this nigga aint even super fine.. and he's short.. he's not cute at all.. and his dick is little... <-- yes I said it, no it's not what u think.. or maybe it is.. *sigh* that's a whole nother story but I promise I wasn't being scandalous. Anyway.. Best friend if ur reading this.. Somebody loves you, and don't you ever let a man determine your self worth.

Love Chronicles: Finally Over

So today I got the very heart wrenching not really phone call from Mr. Chivalry that we should break up... I replied.. "Ok"... he was stuck on stupid.. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it.. Umm, nope, nothing to talk about. Bye!

And that was our entire conversation. Later however he revealed to me that he had gotten kicked out of school because of his grades and he needed to raise them.. Now I knew his grades were effed up, BUT he failed to mention that he had gotten kicked out.. must have been that ego. Smh.. well, that's a burden off me! I'm happy about it. :D

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Monday, August 9, 2010

Love Chronicles: What I Really Want

Maybe it's just best if I comprised a list of what "works" for me, things I want that I'm not willing to compromise in my relationships.. so that I won't be disappointed.

I would like a man that is cigarette free and non dependent of other substances... basically you can chief just don't be a weed head! (or a drug dealer)

A man that isn't physically abusive. Has goals, and is working to achieve them, no kids(heavens no), no hangups on women that have their priorities straight <-- just means don't be insecure, An understanding man, one that's already sowed all his wild oats, I'm not a zookeeper and I'm not trying to tame your ass. A man with a job/and or a man that participates in something that may get him a job (like sports if ur a college student)... Please.. no rappers. I don't want a mamas boy ever again *flashback*. A man that pulls up his pants, is well read, and respectable, doesn't have to be chivalrous.. just respectable... Im not asking for this man to be cut, and buff, and Tyson Beckford sexy... Just be lookable, care about your appearance (to an extent) and be comfortable with who you are. This isn't much... I didn't say nothing about finances, or superhero strength or nothing... These are my standards.. there are probably more.. but these are the basics.. not too much.. right?

Love Chronicles: Meet Mr. Chivalry

So I've attempted to try something new by dating guys my own age (20)... and well, it's not working. So since about March I've been in a relationship with this UBER nice guy, but he's an asshole. <-- That's what I said..

Ok so, he's Mr. Chivalry pulls out chairs, opens up doors, carries all bags, super anxious to be Mr. Fix- It even if he doesn't know what he's doing... and that may be a problem. Because behind all that is a huge EGO... but he can't back it up. See, Mr. Chivalry feels the need to beat his chest every minute and point out just how "manly" he is, and I'm not digging that, he also doesn't think women should have an opinion.... *pause* I'm gonna just leave that alone.

Ok so he is very respectful, doesn't raise his voice to me, we never argue, or anything so what's the problem? Am I just finding something to be wrong with him? I've given this much thought which is the reason we still haven't broken up, i mean I tried something new, he pulls up his pants, doesn't smoke or drink, or curse, he speaks intelligently enough, in college, has goals, no kids.. I was his first... BUT I don't like him. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want a thugged out, weed smoking, baby making rolling stone.. not at all, but can I get a man with more personality?? I mean damn this guy is drier than nun pussy! And he walks around with his chest out talking about how much of a man he is and he's not even laying the pipe properly! Lord, take the wheel and give me a 10 inch dildo! It came to the point the last time we were involved.. I just told him to get up.. flat out.. just get off me.

Now before u get to hollering about how much of a beyotch I am, consider this.. I've already tried to teach him and gave him uber tips on how to get better.. BUT because he's such a caveman.. guess who didn't listen?? *sigh* I just think he's better off with a woman who grew up sheltered like him. I mean I cook <-- he won't eat.. won't even attempt to save some room in his belly to see what I have to offer "because he's eating with the family tonight" like he does EVERY NIGHT! and umm, I'm not gonna get too serious with a man who only eats his mamas cooking.. because nothing I do will ever satisfy him. I'm so done with this relationship, he can't handle that I don't need him. He had the nerve to tell me "wow baby, I didn't know you knew how to use a hammer..." *pause* it's a hammer. I'm not helpless. Bottom line THIS aint working for me no more...

Friday, May 21, 2010

If I Were a Boy.. I tried Being a Man

Just found out that
the baby that isn't yours
has your last name,
you told me that if the tables
were turned
and it was me
you'd still do the same.

Also said that I made you feel
like less of a man
growing closer to the ground
told me the last feeling
you ever remember having was
"As long as she don't find
the right one,
she'll keep me around"
And all I can do is turn my smile
upside down

at this painstakingly true revelation.
Even though you put me in control
of our relationship
I wanted to be a dictator of all nations.
Steady popping off at the mouth
running my gums
I ran you away
right into another womans arms.

And all I can say is
I apologize,
for the falsified truths,
games, and lies,
for thinking I was better than you
instead of being proud
of my prize.

I'm sorry for wearing
the pants, hats, and the boxer briefs
Trying to be the man
brought you all the grief,
Trying to be the woman
bringing you all the beef

soon as you walked through the door
I'm going through your phone
Calling everybody else
if you wasn't at home.

Checking texts, phone bills,
and social websites,
Playing Inspector Gadget
when you fell asleep some nights.
Soaking up all the praise
and putting you
in a bad light.

And all I can say is
I apologize
for making a grown man cry
While you were in love
I was trying to be fly

in all the clubs
cheating, having one night stands
and if anybody asked,
I never had a man.

The roles were reversed
I was living a bachelors lifestyle
Drinking, screwing, doing whatever I wanted
just being hella wild...
Pushing you to her,
Laughing cause I don't even know
this hoe name,
all I know is she took my place
and now shit just aint
the same.

But sorry aint enough
to get you back in my grasp
I started loving you,
when you stopped loving me
and now you don't even want my black ass

Trying to think of what a man would do
if he were in this situation,
but a mans thinking is what got me in this place and
I'm tired of acting like a little boy,
I'm ready to wear a womans heels
and if that means washing, ironing, cleaning
and preparing all your meals.
I'm down,
I'm just sick of acting like a man
Tired of looking like a clown,

trying to play the role of Oscar
when I'm not gonna win it,
I'm stepping out of character
so you can step in it.
I tried being a man,
But the clothes aint fit,
and If I were a boy,
I wouldn't be shit
so, please accept my apology
in the form of a letter,
I tried being a man,
but i realized,
you do it much better.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Confessions of a fat girl: I dnt look good in a dress

Well my thighs look good.. and I fill them out nicely.. but something.. something aint quite right. Oh.. maybe it's the fact that now when I lift my arms.. something jiggles. And I can't suck my belly in and make it look flat anymore :(. Damnit I'm getting fat, but I thought I was slimming up. Hmm. well good thing me and the boo are going running tomorrow at 5am. I dnt like it one bit.. but I'd rather not be obese. I guess it's time for me to get my life in order.. P90X, Insanity.. Gilad full body workout! SOMETHING!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

It's My Birffday! I'll be FLY if I want too!!!

Oh and Shout out to Unpretentious Narcissist it's his birthday too! So go show him some L O V E
Me when I was 3!!!!

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20 never looked so good ;)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Do you know what today is??? 4/11/2010


It's my NAPTURALVERSARY!!!! 

 This pic was taken a couple of weeks after my b/c.. I did my makeup ;)







The below pic was taken on my BIRTHDAY Apr 15, 2009(19yrs) just 4 days after my b/c ;)

 Me today ;)


Friday, April 9, 2010

Love Chronicles: Mirror Mirror

*cues Kelly Price Mirror Mirror - My remix*

Was looking for love, and never could find it
while he's standing there but
I was so blinded
by the gold in his grill,
When I looked at this nigga
I saw a house a house and 3 meals,
Kids, cars, vacations, and a dog....

smh.. yes, yes, once upon a time I was one of those girls. But you know, I'm growing up now and that thug appeal.. it's no more. I mean sure, the tatts, the muscles, the charm, oh the smiles, the feeling that you will be protected while with this man, and the FANTABOLOUS SEX! will be missed, and even craved from time to time, but when I meet guys now, I'm more into trying to figure out the odds of me having to bail him out of jail, how likely it is that he'll live past the age of 30, and if I'm gonna have drama with hoochies. And best believe if I have any kind of ill feelings whatsoever that man is dismissed! And while the whole "bad boy" thing isn't completely out of my system, I think more rationally now, and I dnt give a damn how much my pussy need a pounding like an opponent in a Mayweather fight... I won't set myself up. Those types of men rarely commit, they don't reserve the right to call themselves men, and I'm probably NOT gonna be the only woman in his life(cuz a man with good dick, is a man that rarely keeps it to himself)...

With all this being said... I'm falling for a nerd. More specifically my math tutor *dreamy eyes*... I've never dated a guy my age before. And he's my age. He's so awesome! I mean genuinely terrific! It's been 3months! We've only been together for a couple of weeks, but dated for 3 months I should say, and lemme tell you, he has a job, loves his mama, is pursuing a collegiate education in computer science, wants to attend Howard for grad school, and I can hold an INTELLIGENT conversation with him.. and he makes me laugh, but he's so corny he's cute, always showering me with affection(i'm still getting used to this) opens all my doors, MAKES ME SANDWICHES.. foot massages, dates multiple times a week, his cell phone isn't always blowing up. Low haircut, pants pulled up, belt, I've never heard him use the word nigga, bitch, or hoe. He speaks proper english, no gold teeth, earrings, or tattoos.. Damnit! I GOT THE NEXT BLACK PRESIDENT!! *sigh* My grandmama would be so proud.

I really like this guy, he's working out with me b/c he wants me to be happy with myself, his mom packs me lunches when she makes theres(I know.. i know.. that's what I said, she's too nice), I'm always over for dinner, nice family.. Perfect 10! He's quiet, timid even, but can be assertive so I don't just walk all over him, he tells me no(but I told him not to get too used to that) and he enjoys being with me, told me I make him laugh and he's glad i'm not as timid as he is(opposites attract right?) Oh.. and he was a virgin when I met him *clears throat*Don't judge me, we waited.. for a lil bit... But I mean,  I like him so umm, why wait? And I dnt feel horrible about it, cause he is a FREAK! .. ok i quit. lol

Bottom line, ladies, the greatest things come in the most unlikeliest packages! I was looking for love, and you know where I found it? At school in math tutoring.. go figure? Finding a man at school?? Where they do that at?? lol. j/p I'm just ecstatic! I got me a good black man who has goals, a plan, and isn't afraid of commitment.  SCORE!

^^^ And this is what I won't ever do again ;)

You'ze A Hoe... Sideline Hoe

Thursday, April 8, 2010

You said you need someone to swallow his kids???

Well where the hell do I sign up?? smh.. so delicious!

Under A Rock

I’m gonna write this from under a rock,
Under a stone that got flipped and skipped
By some bad ass children down the block.
The lone stone
That stands alone,
Not a kick or a car to send it on.
This stone, my shield
Protects from the rain and snow
Covers my head from heat and wind too
So I aint got a reason to go.
This rock all jagged and rough
Scares away enemies
That call themselves tough.
So afraid of being cut
They dare not get too close
This lil old rock
Keeps me safe from most.
This pebble,
Reminds me much
Of Gods hand
Keeps everybody I dont need out
And everybody I do need in.
And so this is where
I choose to write.

Love Chronicles: Sidelines taking over the game

So. The guy that I was previously engaged to in KC?? Well we aren't engaged anymore. We were rocky for a long time anyway, and honestly I had fell in and out, and in, and out of love with him over and over again. I knew we weren't gonna be together because he wasn't doing anything with his life and that's not what i wanted for me. BUT I was like maybe I'm being selfish, thinking that I'm better than him since I'm getting a collegiate education and just maybe if he had a change of environment he'll not end up an aint shit nigga. I tried to save him, and so the day before I called him and asked him to move in with me.. I got a phone call.. from his "girlfriend"(who would've knew the entire time I thought I held that title) called me telling me she would appreciate it if I didn't call her man anymore... *side-fucking-eye*


Ok.. so I didn't jump stupid like I had imagined in my head I would do if something like this ever happened to me.. simply b/c I don't think I cared enough. She had asked me a few questions about his and I relationship, and i simply redirected her to him with reassuring words "if he is your man and you trust him, you should be able to ask him these exact same questions and get the truth" and with that. I hung up.

I aint gonna lie.. my ego.. oh it was hurt! But I'm done blocking my blessings, if GOD wants to remove people from my life, who am I to tell them to stay? So I let him go peacefully, and without bloodshed. I did the womanly thing ;). Didn't ease the pain too much, but I refused to go out like a hood rat, trying to fight everybody and slashing tires and crap. I'm better than that. And I'm better than him and her.

I'm not angry, or upset, I pushed him to her, though I do feel she could have waited till a decent hour(she called at 2am) to talk to me, I still realize this is a part of life and if she wants him that bad. TAKE HIM! I just took this all as a sign from GOD that this man wasn't for me. Because as soon as I got ready to take him into my home and take care of him.. HE ran interference(HALLER-LOU-JA). and I had met a really sweet guy my age, that tutors me in math ;)...  But anywho. I would love to hear about experiences you guys ever had with jumpoffs and sidelines? It would bring me comfort to know that this shit don't just happen to celebs(cause yall know I'm famous as shit right?) lol

My Issue with Femcees

So, one morning I woke up, and I checked my FAV celeb blogsite www.missjia.com and lemme tell you, the first thing I saw was a post that Usher and Nicki Minaj had collaborated on a song called "Lil Freak".

*sigh* Truthfully I didn't even bother to listen to it after I read the below brief synopsis of the song.
Usher teamed up with the super sexy, Nicki Menaj, for a track that openly discusses threesomes, bisexual girls and tittay signing called Little Freak. ~MissJia
Now.. no issue with lesbians, bisexuals, or threesomes. My issue is that this young lady, Ms. Nicki has a HUGE fan base! Young ladies and men from ages 7(probably 5) and up are listening to her, trying to emulate her, and calling themselves Barbies and Ken. And with such a large fan base I think entertainers in general, but more specifically FEMALE EMCEES need to be more mindful of the things they are releasing.

Which is why I cannot stand Female rappers! I feel like, yes there are video hoochies, and singers, and actresses. However, Video Hoochies are silent, and when that video comes on, those girls are nameless until you see them on the cover of King Magazine or whatever... yes, young ladies want to look like them, but they don't want to BE like them. Singers, same thing except.. and they tend to be a lil on the "classier" side when it comes to the lyrics and clothing. And actresses... well, it's just a role, off screen they're outta character.

But these damn Femcees! Oh LAWD! I mean.. come on! Every song they on, talking about deep throating pepsi bottles, getting ate out on they period, how u can pay for they sex! I mean shit, we all do it, nothing wrong with sexing, but damn if that's the only creativity your working with, i need you to get a better occupation. You literally have girls looking up to you, hanging on to your every word not knowing that even your ass don't believe your own damn lies! And not to mention.. these Femcees are ignorant. Word play is mediocre, for goodness sakes they don't even write their own rhymes! ugh


And I know ppl will fire off "but they have to be hypersexual if they wanna sell records" Hmm newsflash ding dong, Eve, Queen Latifah, Salt and Peppa, MC Lyte.. they sold records! Without telling ppl that they allow trains to be ran on them..They made sure their rhymes were on point and not so explicit so that FUTURE FEMCEES didn't have to sell their dignity to get radio play...

and I swear these bitches bout to blow me.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Shades (Inspired by Wale - Shades)

 
Chip on my shoulder
big enough to feed Cambodia
Spent countless nights
Crying over ya.

Cuz you didn't like me,
and I didn't love me,
While they ignored me,
Called me a darkie..

See, it's a cycle that
continuously repeats
like a washing machine
on the spin cycle
But I won't put my skin
through a rinse
and end up like Michael
Living my life trying to convince

You,
that I love myself.
But who am I trying more to convince
You, them or myself?
Sliding down the pole of life
after my Brothers sent me
to collect dust on the bottom shelf
Only able to toss me around
so carelessly
Because he hates his own self
Listen how History repeats itself.

Willie Lynch must find happiness
In his grave.
Smiling and laughing
afterall his flawless plan
suggested that
Hundreds of years after
the freedom of the Black Man
WE would still be slaves...
And I quote..
"On the top of my list is age,
but only because it starts with an A,
the second is color"
Or dare I say shade...
And all this information
can be found in the
"Willie Lynch Letter: The Making of a Slave"

So I would to take this time to apologize
I'm not a "yellow bone"
All petite and thin.
I'm sorry that my hair aint long and silky
like Caucasians are my next of kin.
I'm sorry that blackness covers
the outside of my shins.
But most of all I'm sorry that
You idea of beauty
ever made me feel that
My Blackness was a Sin.

My Black is BEAUTIFUL.
And I say this no matter the shade.
I'd feel the same way
If my complexion were honey
Or If I were black as a spade.
So I apologize sincerely
that you can't show me affection
Because you're put off by my complexion,
But baby this is how I was made.

So from a dark skin sista
to my black men
Shade doesn't matter
True beauty comes from within.
Honey brown, caramel,
toffee or Pecan
Shade really shouldn't matter
We're a rainbow of people
and we've been like this
since time began.

Ode to the Abandoned Blog...

No really  I haven't abandoned it, I've just been going through a huge writers block, my life is stressful, and I'm bout ready to snort some coke.... *sigh* I just feel like everybody needs me, everybody wants a part of me, and I can't be there for everyone.. but who really understands that? Who really understands that other ppl have problems too? These past few months, I've been a counselor, teacher, mother, maid, and all for damn free, people have been constantly taking from me, and offering me nothing but stress in return. There's so much to say but I can't get it all out..

To the blogger world.. I apologize. I'm up on catching up on 2 months worth of blogs in 2.5. 

Friday, January 29, 2010

Untitled....

My life is going down hill right now. If it's not one thing it's another.. and before you continue I'll just let you know this post is gonna talk about Supernatural things, evil things, demons.things some ppl may not believe in, things ppl may not like, but it's the truth, and I'm living it.

I seriously don't know what to do right now... ok let me start from the beginning. Shit, I don't even know where the beginning starts myself. I'm completely lost as to whats going on.
So I guess, I can start with my dreams. Dreams about sex constantly. Sex with ppl i'm not remotely interested in, sex with men, and women, ppl that I'm not even in contact with on a regular basis. People that don't even cross my mind, then there are those countless nights of sleep paralysis. I don't know if you guys know what it is, but it's not fun. You're literally sleep and awake at the same time, but unable to move, unable to scream, and a horrid feeling of dread falls upon you b/c something is there.

My friends spent the night at my house the night before last. My bestfriend is very spiritual, very GOD fearing and she stands strong on her face. I got to telling her about how I can't sleep during the night and I wake up repeatedly throughout the night..she told me that was a form of withcraft, and that 3:00am was the devils hour, the wishing hour..

Now please understand, I'm not the religious type, I'm not some kind of spiritual fanatic that thinks the end of the world is coming and everyone is gonna catch a fire, that's not me, but I know what I feel. My bestfriend woke up at 3:00am just an hour after we had been to sleep and said "Modia, somebody is walking across your room," funny thing is, my other best friend was lying on the floor. So I got up and at that moment out of the blue I responded "I feel something about to enter me" didn't know where this came from b/c I never knew when something like this was bout to happen, but when I said it... I felt it, and I went into a bout of "sleep paralysis" that I've never encountered before. Long story short the next day I went to see a psychic to find out what was after me..

What she told me afterwards I was not prepared for, I'm disturbed by, but I accept, and I'm working to get rid of this..

I am not possessed. But I am being followed by a sex demon. Incubus.

It all makes too much sense, she was too specific with the identification of this entity and things that had happened in my life.. way too specific.

If you know a priest, someone that can help me, if you are a praying soul then I need you. Really I do. I don't know the next time I'll post, or comment or even log on here, but please don't forget about me and what I need of you.

To my sista Val.. Please, get in contact with me asap. I'm afraid.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Hmm, so yeah

I sincerely apologize for blowing up your spots with all these extraneous posts this early in the am.. and so close together. It's just one of those nights, I'm going through some thangs, and I need to breath...

Dear Mama Pt 2

Dear Mother,
I just wanted you to know
That today you made me proud.
And I’m truly ecstatic of the fact that
I am your child.

Today marked the first day
Of my life
That I’ve seen you sober,
The first day of me seeing you in your right mind
Glad to know that
Your days of getting high are now over.

My prayers have been answered
Through the darkest hour
Our Heavenly Father has carried your weary body
And soothed your aching feet,
When that monkey was on your back
He made him take a seat.

Dear Mama,
Today I was proud to introduce you to my boyfriend
And say, “This is my mama”
“Don’t we look like sisters?”

You’re no longer a “crackhead”
Or a fiend, or a ghost or witch
Your now a Recovering addict
And I’m proud of that shit!

It’s been 18 years of you hitting that pipe
But I’m glad that you’ve changed
And now you’re getting it right.

Mama,
I’m here for you
It’s gonna get rough some days
Just know I’m one call away
Just one phone call away.

P.S…..
I love You

Dear Mama

Dear Mama,

I just wanted you to know that
I HATE YOU!
And that,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
But I really wanna know why
You chose a crack pipe,
Instead of your children’s life
And why you can’t get some act right
And be apart or our lives.

How can you abandon me?
Your only girl…
Born April 15, on an Easter Sunday
Just five days before your own birthday.
Was I not precious enough?
Did I cry too much at night?

I survived all the shit
You put me through
Even while I was still in the womb.
All the drugs and alcohol,
That you continued to consume
While carrying me.
I’m a living miracle.

How could you hold me in your arms
This little bundle of joy
And then discard me,
Like I was nothing more than an old toy.

You layed down
You fucked
You created me,
Then you don’t want to step up
And take care of YOUR responsibility.

And how could you just let my life
Turn out the way it did.
Why didn’t you just get the DNA test,
To find out if I was really his kid?
Instead of just putting me off on his bitch ass
And having me grow up thinking that I was lesser than trash.
Because believe me when I say everyday of my life
He made sure I felt that way.

I couldn’t believe it when you told me
That I was self-absorbed.
After I told you that my daddy
Was molesting me you did nothing
Didn’t even take an initiative to get clean.
And when I told you my cousin was touching me
You did the same thing.
And when I told you I hated you
You said “I never knew you felt that way”
You didn’t know cause you were never fucking around.

Always making promises that you can’t keep mama
I never got a fairytale or a lullaby from you
To put me to sleep mama.
I blossomed from an ugly duckling to a Swan
And you missed every important developmental step in my life

You won’t see me the night I go to prom
You never saw me on the night of any of my dances
You never combed my hair
Or cooked me meals.
You won’t see me walk across the stage this year.
You missed my whole life…
Every birthday, every holiday…

Did you have any idea that I wrote poetry,
Or that sometimes I cry at night
Because I want to know why
You don’t love me.
Or how many times I blamed myself
For your addiction.
Did it ever dawn on you that
I just might need you…

I’m not asking you to write me a poem
Like BSavvy did for her daughter,
And I’m not asking you to buy me Beamer,
Like those spoiled kids on MTV…

I just want you to know me…
I just want you to love me…
I just want you to be there.

Dear Mama…I’m still your daughter..

P.S… I love you

Love Chronicles: To All The Boys

To all the boys I loved before,
I put you in my past
you're just another closed door.
Doors that I refuse to reopen
but now I have no choice
because behind those closed doors
are the traces of a little girls voice.
I say traces cause I can hear
her voice in different places
Behind this door,and that door
and all those different faces.
Faces of my past
of loves that didn't last.
All the nights of meaningless sex
and of a girl growing up way to fast.

To all the boys I lusted before
who took away my innocence
and left me sore.
Laying on a wet pillow.
Wet from the tears that I've cried
remembering my past
my past of loves that didn't last
and of a little girl growing up way too fast.

So this poem is addressed to
all the boys I sexed before
who left me in lust
feeling like a little whore.
The ones who made empty promises
of a life filled with bliss,
and the next thing I know
they had me marked as dismissed.

The ones who sexed me real good
and real bad
the ones who had the nerve to get mad
cause I wouldn't give them what they really wanted.

The ones who would sex me all night,
until the next day,
turn around and tell me
I wasn't pretty anyway..
Well guess what....FUCK YOU!

I'm telling you now I opened all of them doors
searching for the little girl
that I'm not anymore.

I finally found her within.
So I took her by the hand
and I took her to a land.
to a time when she was never
loved and lost, and then loved again.
And I apologized to her for
loving and lusting, and sexing all of them men.

To all the boys I've loved before
thank you for making me realize that
I am so much more.
I am beautiful no matter what you say.
And my time to love will come one day.

And to the little girl I lost along the way
I'm sorry for what I did
I'm sorry I took away your chance at life
and your chance to be a kid.

So right now I'm making this vow to you,
the next man I love will love me too.

Sincerely,
A Broken Heart

Just A Screw (The Liberated Womans Anthem)

Yes I do wanna fuck you
and it's not because I'm a freak or a hoe
But because I am a young woman
with a vagina
And I like to be pleased
100% satisfaction guaranteed.

And I have hormones
just like the next bitch.
And if you can't please me right
I'll jump to the next dick.
And if you need help getting it up
I'll gladly get down to suck it,
because when it comes to the bedroom
I'm just your average chick.

And please don't come at me
as if I'm the evil villian
because you figure that
I have no feelings
because in all actuality I do,
I just don't have any feelings for you.

I'm offering you a deal
you simply can't refuse
unless of course your homosexual, gay,
or you just like to fuck dudes.

A one night stand
with absolutely no strings attached
Don't call me, I won't call you.
I don't want you to be my man
a relationship with you
is not in the plan
Boo....
Don't mean to be rude,
But you are just a screw!!!

Like another pair of shoes
that I've worn and abused,
but I still bring out for special occasions.

You'll be just another guy
who had his eye on the pie
thought you were playing me
and ended up like all the other guys...

straight fucking confused
because you thought I was kidding
when I blatantly stated
That you my dear,
Are just another screw!!!!

Not looking for a boyfriend
a male friend, or a companion
I'm looking for a one night stand
with no strings attached
but I'm no one's fool
so yes you MUST strap...
Up, cause I don't get down like that!

And oh, I failed to mention
that two is always better than one,
so if you got a cute friend
you'll be in for hours of fun....

But I'm gonna tell him
like I just told you,
don't be looking for love
Because YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER SCREW!!!!!



~Naughty Modie~

Ghosts, Skeletons, and Goons

Vivid images of my mother walking away
Replay in my mind
Night and day
The tricks she turned
The tips of her fingers burned
From that pipe
That she interminably
Hit….daily

And my cousin
Making me perform acts
Of fellatio on his 11 year old dick
When I was only five
Threatening that if I ever told
He would bury me alive

And more thoughts of my father
Kissing me
And grinding me
And looking at me
Too sensuously,
Too seductively
Too much like I was a woman
His woman

I grew up in the dope house
Cause my daddy was a dealer
And my mama was…. shit still is the fiend
So I never knew love
And I learned not to be seen.

When I go to sleep
I dream
About my evil stepsisters
And yes there were two,
But I also had a wicked stepmother too.
I used to read a lot to escape this cold hard world,
Growing up I was a very isolated little girl.

I was easily manipulated and deceived
Maybe even a little naïve
To think that all households
Were ran like mine.
All parents were like mine.

I got taunted and tormented
Nearly drowned because she
Sat on my head,
Nearly died because the other one
Tried to suffocate me with a pillow
While I was asleep in my bed.

Traumatized by life at an early age
But I was imprisoned in my own home
Constantly locked up like an animal in a cage

The mental, physical, sexual and emotional abuse
That I suffered through
Only proved to make me stronger
And more resilient
Than the rest
My strength and sanity have surpassed;
The most trying of tests.

But I will never play the victim
I’m a Survivor like Destiny’s Child
I just want a nice night of rest
Every once in a while

But the boogie man of my life’s past
Is waiting to take me
Under my bed,
And the ghosts of my former life
Are fucking with me
Perturbing me inside my head,
And skeletons are rattling in my closet
Making noise at all hours of the night
Got me scared
Shaken with fright,
And when my eyes finally do slam shut
It’s already daylight…

So it’s…

Another night
Of tossing and turning
Afraid of sleep
Because ghosts
Of my past
Haunt me unceasingly

By:Modia Evans

Hip Hop Revelry

Hop onto the Hip-Hop express
Make sure you dress to impress
Let ya chain hang low
And wear yo freshest
Sneakers
It’s a hip-hop party
And I’m the guest speaker.

Misogynistic lyrics
And what you would normally call video vixens
I call them half naked chickens
Walking around with a piece of dental floss
Stuck up their ass
The directors should really pay them a little more
So than maybe they would go buy themselves some class.

And all these rappers
Rapping about everything they’re NOT doing
Glamorizing the thug life in their rented Beamers and Phantoms
Acting like drug money bought they mama that million dollar house
In the Hamptons.
When it was really their record sells
Then you get arrested for “Pushing It”
But you can’t give the artist formerly known as William Roberts
That’s Rick Ross to you,
A call and see if he gonna post your bail.

And let me not forget that
Everybody’s favorite rapper is lil wayne,
But when he got pulled over in Arizona it wasn’t just weed,
He was also riding dirty with an ounce of cocaine

The drug that was the demise
Of the African American community in the first place
And he’s all up in his tour bus
Shoving it all up in his face.

Allowing themselves to be puppets
Sending subliminal messages through songs…
That’s right I said puppets
Because they are allowing their masters to string them along

Messengers turned into Mimes
As soon as they hit the big time
Their life stories and struggles lost value,
And simply turned into a rhyme.
If we as Black American’s continue on the same path
And let some of these idiotic baboons continue to
Fill our head with this trash
All for the sake of making some cash
I would say pitiful,
If you had bothered to ask.

Telling our men it’s okay to be pimps, and thugs
And devaluing our women’s self worth
Convincing our children it’s okay to sell drugs
It’s payback because we’re living hell on earth.

All of this negativity
Surrounding the Hip Hop cultures festivities
Maybe it’s not as great as we perceived it to be.

Never the one to bite my tongue
I’m going to say what needs to be said
If this is as good as we can do then
Hip-Hop might as well be dead!

By: Modia Evans

With Black History Month fastly approaching...

I felt this was only appropriate... not to mention funny as shit ;)


Love Chronicles: You Don't Have To Lie to Kick It

But that's exactly what you're doing and Mr. Yessir believe me when I say that I do NOT under any circumstances do liars! I told you from jump that I was gonna be completely honest with you, and not hide anything because that's not my character. And for you to lie to me about something as simple as you going to college... oh buddy, that's trifling. You lying to me about your educational status tells me two things 1) You like to take the easy way out and 2) You must feel like what you have already is not enough for me, so u make up lies to try to make it enough.. That is not cool. If what you have is not enough and you are not content with you, then you need to correct that for you and your child. Don't sit here and make up some shit because you want to impress me. Not only am I not impressed with your lies I'm turned completely the fuck off!

You sir are twenty-damn six years old. You need to grow the hell up. Ugh, I'm disgusted....

Where are all the REAL men? I'm tired of the posers, and the liars, the super intelligent but incredibly dumb brothas, the bitch made niggas that pop off more than bitches, the "man I'm still blaming the government for my tired ass" guys, the "bitches aint shit, fuck romance" niggas, the "I'm a ladies man... an all loving, can't limit myself to one lady" man. I'm tired of the "school aint for me, I wanna be a rapper" type dude, sick of the "God is number one in my life, so have a cup of religion and then lets fuck" hypocritical ass dudes. So sick of the "I don't date black women cuz they have attitudes" cop out brothas and just straight FED THE FUCK UP WITH MAMA'S BOYS!

I just want a man that will at least try to understand me, recognize that it's the little things that matter the most, like a kiss on the forehead, random walks around the neighborhood, a well planned dinner at home... flushing the toilet... you know simple shit! Ugh! Where are the men that can respect the fact that I have goals? The men that can understand the reason for my independence? The men who realize that I'm tough because I've never had a REAL MAN in my life to protect me from lifes dangers. The men who want to be my knight! Who says "You want to be married by the time ur 25? Well lets set a date for April 14, 2015 and we can say our vows at 11:59"..... At 19, I should be at the PRIME of my dating career! I should love it, love flirting, love giving out my number, and love smiling in a mans face... but foreal. I don't want to even think about a guy approaching me.... Sad to say, but really now when guys flirt, I give them much attitude and the "nigga I don't wanna hear it" tone, because I've just ran into entirely too many trifling ass guys. And I really don't wanna be a bitter old bitch. But I'm just sooo tired of meeting trash...

Where is the justice in love???

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Pregnancy Pact....

Really how stupid can u get???



Anybody that knows me.. knows, that I am NOT an advocate for teenage parenthood AT ALL! AND I DO NOT EVEN DEFEND THE ACTIONS OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS OR CLOSE FRIENDS.. IGNORANCE IS IGNORANCE! PERIOD!!!! I have 18 damn nieces and nephews biologically, and about 5 nieces and nephews from my closest friends... I'm 19.. my friends are the same age. I'm the only one in school, with a car, and my own apt... smh.

They actually have the nerve to be living with their parents and not even in a relationship with their babies daddies.. How trifling!! Do you really think I would've made a pact to end up like that?? HELL NAW!

So somebody please tell me: WHAT THE FUCK 17, 15 YEAR OLD CHILDREN thought they were gonna do with babies in high school?? HUh? can ANYBODY answer that question?? If that isn't the most TRIFLING thing I aint neva heard! And oh Lord, if I was the parents of them girls I would be kicking ass! A pact?? A mothafucking pregnancy pact?? Like seriously you have no other life goals? Your main frame of mind is a child at 15??? Lord be a vessel, and some common sense for them heffas!

As a 19 yr old female.. there is NOTHING in me that wants to have a child, even when I was younger, and lonely, and unloved I never wanted a baby to fill that void. Not even when my closest friends found themselves knocked up.. I was never envious, or anxious for that matter to trap a man by having his babies... I always said that when I had a child I was gonna be mentally, emotionally, and financially ready to have a baby. So it really hurts my heart to see such young girls looking at life as a game that you play. Not taking it seriously.. Planning a "family" on their parents income. And potentially ruining their childs future. They have nothing a offer a baby.. not even time, especially if they plan on finishing their high school education or they strive for a post secondary one.

And their parents??? I would be a lie if I said that I didn't think their parents should have made them get abortions. Those children would be a lot better off with the Good Lord then they would be with those immature and naive babies! This documentary was disgusting on so many levels! And I cannot believe that these so called children are supposed to be our future. I'm appalled and ashamed. I guess those little girls never knew how it felt to grow up alone and without, so why would they consider the futures of their children??? Tonight before I go to bed, I'm going to thank GOD for giving me good sense, and for loving me while I was learning to love myself....

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Random Vlogs

 Our first day back to school, and I was looking pretty damn good ;)




Bare w/ me please....

:( {sad faces because I feel I haven't lived up to my blogger potential}... with the start of the new semester, I find myself pressed for time.. Never one good with time management this is hazardous to my social life... Also, I work everyday, and I have homework(spanish, math, and poli-sci) on an everyday basis. So the time that I used previously to blog and surf the net has now gone out the window...

So seriously I deeply apologize for not being able to stalk your guys blogs like I would like to, and in that case write my own damn blogs.... However, with the purchase of my new video camera I will be doing a lot of vlogging, because it's quick and easy to upload, so I hope you guys don't mind the Vlogs I will be posting until I get into the groove of things.. If for some reason you can't see the vids I'm posting b/c ur using a phone or work computer or whatever please let me know and I promise to try my best with translating them into written blogs for you all to enjoy....

I would like to end this blog by asking you all to pray for me.. These last two semesters have been rough for me in their own little ways and I really need to get some GREAT grades this semester in order to be successful as a college student... Not only that, I'm also prone to being depressed for various reasons throughout the school year when under a lot of pressure.. Anyway.. I need to get back to my homework.. probably will be up till midnight or later doing it.. so I need to get on it now... And please you guys.. just bare with me for a moment and I'll be back together in no time ;)

Monday, January 18, 2010

My Fav clip!!

 Lord forgive me.. but I watch this clip on repeat and laugh harder every single damn time! Pray for my soul.


Let me find out I can make some quick bucks...

Stripping!!!! Man JEZEBELS (Wichita's HOTTEST strip club) was BLAZING tonight! Now mind you.. I'm 19, and I've never been to a strip club before so this was surely an experience. Man lemme tell you. It must of been at capacity 3x over, ,and it was LIVE!!!

Also since it's a Sunday it was amateur night.... smh, them ole scrawny ass hoes was up there shaking absolutely nothing!!!!! I mean, I'm telling u they had no ass, tittays, or hips but they was getting tipped(and yes I did tip the hoes, no I'm not bi or lez just very open minded)..

I'm telling you first place winner walked away with 500 dollars. Let me hit my situps so by the time summer time get here I'll still maintain all the hips thighs, and behind...but my stomach will be flat and my 38DD's(probably gonna be triple by June) will pop out more and I can clean house up in that bitch.... Not to mention.. it can never hurt to learn your way around a pole(literally).... well unless your this dunce...


Saturday, January 16, 2010

Hair Update: Pt II-The Finished Product

Hair Update; The AuNatural Beauty

The Vlog speaks for itself.. it's not the long.. u should watch it.. and comment ;)


Friday, January 15, 2010

Thunderstorm

Let’s make a thunderstorm,
You be the lightening
And I’ll be the rain,
Why don’t you send sparks throughout my body?
And I’ll leave wet drops all over you…

Let’s make love
In that thunderstorm
In front of the fireplace
That is ignited by our kisses,
We keep it burning with our passion,
And it doesn’t die down until we
Cum down from our ride to heaven
Pure ecstasy written all over our faces…

In the heat of the night,
In the midst of the storm
Let’s create a lasting memory,
Of us together,
Making it rain…

Lashes

They are way to pretty to belong to any man.
But they do, they belong to you.
So long and silky.
Beautifully following the shape
of your big brown oval eyes.

When you blinked
I could've sworn I saw them
sweep your cheek.

And I wondered at that moment
if you knew how they
had captivated me so

Soft they looked from where i stood
Took every muscle in my body
not to reach out and touch.
Your lashes.

Should have never gave them junglebunnies cameras...

Behold the fuckery... brace yourself:




Oh and Plies and Miss Keri Baby new vid "Medicine" is just ubberly wack to me.. I personally don't care for the song either.. but eh... who am I?? Only a potential customer right?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

2 mins of groaning.. a lifetime of moaning ;)

Sooo...

I got my clit pierced....
Felt like an amateur went down on me and bit me accidentally... for two seconds..
Sting.. and then... ok you're done. Took every bit of 5 mins and 50 bucks. Guy was so gentle I tipped him..
Can't test it out for another 4 weeks.. so he says.. but umm, I plan on getting it in SOON as I find a brotha worthy of the goods. I'm hoping this is a good investment.. if not oh well.. I'll still have the experience.

Any other ladies got their hoods pierced?
Fellas how do you feel about women with vaginal piercings? Sexy? Erotic? Or not for you?
Ladies have you ever thought about getting one? If you have one what was ur reason? how is the experience so far??

Monday, January 11, 2010

An Aries Woman

I'm really into astrology, greek mythology, and you know the sun, the moon, and the stars. LOL. I love spirituality and sexuality, and romance and things... anywho I google typical aries woman just to find a description and see how accurate it would be.. Surprisingly I found much of what was said to be quite true about myself.. Click HERE to find your own description of your astrological sign and POST if you feel it was worth your time ;)




Romance is something that no Aries can live without and the same goes for an Aries woman also. However, for her, not getting on without romance is not same as not being able to live without a man. In her heart, she will always be yearning for that someone special, thinking about him in the monsoon and that will be her idea of romance. She doesn't need a real man for it. Aries female is the one who will do anything and everything herself, without needing any male help. One of her basic personality traits is total confidence in her abilities.

She has to lead, to be the first one to do anything. At times, her independence does not go well with the male ego. However, an Aries girl never wants a puppy for a lover or a husband. She seeks a man, but not the one who constantly chases her. The best way to woo her is to throw subtle hints, be a little detached and keep her wondering. Give her the impression that you can resist her charms and she will come rushing to you, to prove that she's desirable. Aries women will never have to yearn for male attention.

They always get plenty of it, but inside they will be waiting for the one they cannot have. An Aries woman can survive even the toughest of circumstances alone and has the ability to come back even after the most gruesome tragedies. She can play the role of a female perfectly and, at the same time, can do everything that a man can do. If you have managed to subdue her aggressive drive, you will be treated to a woman who is full of optimism and has such faith in future that can uplift your mood also.

An Aries female does not like flattery. You should be sincere while complimenting her. Over-sweetness and too much closeness can make her run away, but she doesn't want you to be too detached also. You'll have to maintain that delicate balance and still keep the romance alive. Once she has committed to you, she will be extremely sentimental and very loyal. Don't dominate an Aries female and don't let her dominate you. Either of the extremes, she will not be able to tolerate. Give her reasons to be proud of you, but do not forget to praise her for her talent too. Her expectations are too high, but she will also give you double in return.

She is very possessive and love is something she can never share. She can be very jealous even at the slightest of suspicion. In case you have a female secretary, it is better to bid her good bye right now. If an Aries girl gets hurt, she will become as cold as the ice in your fridge and this behavior may last an entire lifetime. She is generous to the faults of her loved ones and it is better not to criticize them in front of her. On the other hand, if you are good to her, she will be extremely kind, tender, loyal and supportive.

You will get plenty of reasons to be jealous when you are with an Aries female, since she is more comfortable with men than women. However, don't be suspicious of her, she would be really hurt. She is possessive, but she doesn't like to be possessed. She wants her freedom and your complete trust. Remember, if she's committed to you, you have no reasons to doubt her loyalty and sincerity. An Aries woman is much too truthful to be involved with two people at the same time. She will first break up the relationship that is not working.

She is extremely passionate and believes in forever-lasting relationships. Though, this leaves her disillusioned many a times. She will never play games with you and is incapable of deceit. An Aries girl is nothing if not simple, innocent and very emotional. Maximum chances are that she will continue her career even after marriage. She loves challenges and believes in miracles. Though it sounds a little freaky, but miracles do happen in her case. Just like a typical Aries, she never learns from her mistakes and is likely to fall in the same hole again.

For her love means sharing and that means sharing everything, right from her emotions and checkbook to your bank account. Always respect an Aries woman and never try to dampen her zeal, or she will be hurt. Though she tries to show that she is very strong, she is as innocent and as vulnerable as a baby. Be there to comfort her when she runs up to you after being disappointed with the world. If you stand up to her when she comes to you like this, you will never ever lose her. An Aries female will never forgive you if you fail to fight for her.

In return, she will always be there with you, even if she has to go against the whole world. She is not the one to feign illness, but if she is really ill, be there to care for her. She is quite extravagant and giving her the debit cards will mean an empty bank account. She will be a caring mother, who makes no unnecessary fuss and sparks children's imagination. An Aries girl has a bad temper, but it will go away as quickly as it came and leave no grudges behind. She is a complete woman, who gets hurt easily and is totally innocent. Though she is a little impulsive and bossy, she will give you complete security, fight against the world for you and be yours forever!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

New Hairstyle: Mohawk

Here's a quick vid on the hairstyle that I am trying out on myself.. I've done plenty of mohawk styles on others.. just not on myself. so hopefully this vid inspires somebody to do something different with their own hair.. ;) Enjoy


Saturday, January 9, 2010

Dear Followers

If this is your friend, or you know somebody that knows somebody that knows this po soul and you have not spoken up about the atrociousness that lies before us... then I urge you to jump off a bridge..

Who told this po baby he could sang??? ha, I'll be laughing for the rest of the year about this.. Right up there with Val's sexy ass hubby Yung Melo LOL! Enjoy ppls!


Friday, January 8, 2010

My first award EVER!!!



I'm so GIDDY!!! lol, yeah I don't really know how this award thing works but I'll try my best...
So here goes:

Few details about the award:

1. list 10 things that make me happy
2.tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day
3.link back to the person who gave me this award.


Okay so 10 things that make me happy:
1)Shoes - STILETTOS!

2)Writing Poetry

3)Orgasm
4)Cooking good food

5)Sweets
6) Learning
7)Giving
8)Sleeping
9)Crime TV shoes
10) Reading.. this should have been higher on the list.


10 Bloggers that brighten my day:
1) My big sis Val <-- I always called her Pro
2) Val's lover. lol, my Afrocentric, intelligent, sis Tae <-- she's from BK and she'll cut you
3) Birdie over at PeanutButter.Delight
4)Narcissist  Idk his real name and he's also the one who gave me the award ;)

5) Ms. J.Star 
6) Ms. Robyn Latice <-- Love ya girl
and last but not least (cuz I don't have 10 ppl)
7)Reece <-- Love you too!!!


#3 is already done if you haven't read... ;) Now toodles and know that this award was given with love!


Things we all could do better in 2010!

It is now 2010 and a new year...every year we try to set these so called "resolutions" but this year let us do better as our resolution.



Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A quote I fell in love with ;)

MAYBE some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them." ~Sex and the City

Monday, January 4, 2010

Love Chronicles: From Becky to Boniqua... It takes time

*sigh*<--- always starts with a sigh right???

Name: Mr. Yes Sir, a.k.a Mr. I've never dated a black woman, a.k.a Mr. I wanna spoil you

Age: 26

Relationship status: Single... but looking to get with me

Ethnicity: Black

Occupation: Future member of KCK's finest.. b.k.a The PoPo
Stability: Has his own house, car, and at least a H.S diploma, no visible tatts, no big chains, no overly outrageous chains, pinky rings or gold teeth(thank ya LAWD)

NO ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES- Not a career criminal, pants on his waist... no guns.. 1 kid... clean cut, no body odors,

Shoe size: ;) I don't know.......... yet

AND HE HAS MANNERS!!!!! :D <-- yo, you don't understand.. I'm cheesing hard right now

Anyway... cool guy, seemingly has his head on straight and he's willing to travel the 3 hrs from home to Wichita to spend time with yours truly... But I still have a letter to write to him cause there are some things that needs to be addressed.

**************************
****************************

Dear Mr. Yes Sir,

You just got out of a longterm (5yr) relationship with the mother of your daughter. And I realize you're hurt because the decision was not yours, and everything is all good if you're truly ready to move on, however, umm, I'm hesitant. The fact that you've suddenly become infatuated with me after never dating other black women and in fact actually preferring white women over black women kinda unnerves me.

Reason being... though NOT scientifically proven, it is STRONGLY suggested that there is a HUGE difference between the mannerisms and attitudes of black women and white women. A difference that I'm not sure you are prepared to conquer. You said so yourself that your ex never talked back, did whatever you asked/told and absolutely did not hold her own against you... as many of your exes didn't.. However, that shit.. WILL NOT FLY WITH ME! And I would be lying if I did not question your ability to move on from a passive, sheltered, never had to work for nothing, and never knowing how to stand up for herself white woman(not all white women, just that particular one) to a very aggressive, neck snapping, eye rolling, will cuss you out and kiss my mama with the same mouth, can hold my own in the classroom or the club, rough around the edges straight from from 21st and Quindaro lil black girl.

All I'm saying is, it's peculiar to me that you've never liked the attitude of any black woman and yet you claim you want to be with me, and anybody will tell you that I'm like Little Sista Soulja. This scenario confuses me to no end.
And we've already established that... I'm not ANYTHING like any of the women that you are use to dating, or like any of the black women that have similar characteristics of the women you are use to dating..in fact in your Conservative party... I'm completely the weed smoking(not really), gun toting, hell yes to gay marriage Liberal.
Can you handle that? I wasted no time showing my true colors with you because I didn't wanna send your ass into a culture shock. I wanted you to know that what you see is completely what you will get and I will be damned if I try and put on this little seemingly domesticated, docile, fragile role just to be the type of woman that you are accustomed to pursuing.
Now I understand you say that you like me, and you feel very strongly about me and it's crazy to you as well, and that's fine. I'm just saying don't play with fire, you will get burned. And if you are thinking about experimenting with black women don't use me as the lab rat because you'll think you're trying to get into my head when all along I will be the one getting into your head to find the safest, quickest route to the cheese. Cuz I like cheese even though I'm mildly lactose intolerant <-- but that's neither here nor there.

By all means, if you feel like you're ready for me, you can handle me, and if you truly want to spoil me like you say you do, I absolutely will not stop you ;)... And I like you too, I appreciate the fact that you think of enough of me to send a good morning text, and a simple "i'm thinking about you" during the day. I like that you want to hold me, and that you miss me only hours after I've left your presence, and that you open my doors, and I never have to ask if you're paying cause you'll just look at me and say "Well, what else am I hear for?"... yes, all this makes my heart skip a lil beat, and I'm really excited that you use chapstick and you chew gum... that makes kissing you fun. *sigh*..... Though you're not on my mind 24/7 I think you may have what it takes to put some "act right" in my life.... maybe. I just really want to take it slow. Continue feeling each other out, so I won't have to hang onto your arms really tight whenever we're in the presence of a lot of white girls (cuz you know that time we went to the theatre out in NKC I was damn near sitting on your ass and blocking your view of the screen) because of my own little insecurities. And that is something that I'm gonna have to work on, I have to get myself to the point when I believe that NO WOMAN regardless of race, or class, or whatever has anything on what I got.

And honestly... I see myself being just as cautious with you and your preference as I was with my ex. He liked lighter chicks... and in the end, he ended up cheating on me with a lighter chick, with longer hair(even though it was a trife ass weave), and she was smaller.

Now granted I love myself, and he told me his preferences up front too, said he didn't know what it was about me that had him attracted but he was, and he absolutely had me believing that I was the only chick in his system for a long time... but i wasn't, and ultimately his preference of women overruled his feelings for me. So I guess, it's just one of those things that I always say... I don't have to put my hand up to a hot iron but one time to realize that it will burn me if I keep trying. I guess right now.. this is me, not wanting to be burned again.

I mean I like you... but I think I'm gonna proceed with caution.... and you should too.

“Caution is the eldest child of wisdom” ~ Victor Hugo

Love Chronicles: I'd Rather He Love Me Back

*Sigh* The days of lying to myself are OVER! lol <--- feels good to say that.
For years I've made excuses for what this fool is doing, how he has no other options and blah blah blah, but those days are over... He's an idiot. yes I'm talking about POTS! lol, i'm only witholding his name for privacy reasons...

One of my ex boyfriends brought up a very good point. He said "you lowering yourself for a nigga"... and u know what, he was right. I did lower myself for a "nigga". But it was only under the pretenses that i was bending so that I could pick him up with me. :) I had good intentions. However, I broke my back for nothing. I have so many options in life, so many things to do with MY LIFE! Why run behind someone with only 2 options? Lets just be real, There are only 2 ways out the game when u playing it as hard as he is. *shrug*

But yeah, the last straws were pulled today, and I've decided that I absolutely CANNOT keep going in circles with this guy.
yes I know..what about "Operation Cold Turkey" well I've been cheating. Slipped up and called the very first day..and since then I've been lying to myself *shrug*

But I've also been praying and asking GOD for the strength. Well tonight I got my answer. Not gonna say what it was b/c my talk with my Lord was between Him and I. :)

Just know that my future doesn't involve Pots.

Which is fine with me. Lemme tell you. I let him put me on the back burner so many times. Made excuses for his behavior. Convinced myself that he really did 'love" me, but honey actions speak louder than words, and he wasn't showing me nothing. But I still stayed..i know, like an idiot. All my bad.

But now, I'm just like hey, if that's what u want, do you. I'm gonna do me. And after all this bullshit I've been through, I find a HUGE comfort in knowing that..

He will NEVER
ever,

ever,

Have another like me. :) I know that I put my all into this, and when u put ur all into something that only thing that results from it is Beauty, Greatness, and Lots of Love!!!!!

Blood, sweat, and tears were put into this, luckily for me, my body produces a lot of all of that so I'm not losing out on ANYTHING ELSE! cuz Lawd knows I gave up enough of myself for him. Too much of myself for him.

Ask me would I do it again??

of course!!! I would LOVE to LOVE ANOTHER as much as I loved him....

only thing that will change...

Well I'll make sure the next one LOVES ME BACK! AND SHOWS IT!!!

Luckily for him I'm a forgiving person. And I will never stay down for too long. Unfortunately for me, the saga continues. lol, Since I know POTS obviously ISN'T the man for me...Who is the guy for me?

Am I looking? <--- Nope
but I'm very anxious for what the future holds for me! I see the LIGHT!!!!! <--- but I'm not sure how much of that light is coming from being exhausted. lol

Chile lemme take my ass to sleep while I'm up all extra late b/c I'm so excited for tomorrow! And no, nothing special is happening, I just know that tomorrow is gonna bring me one step closer to my destiny. Whatever my calling is in life, and the man of my dreams!!!

Let me halt...lol, I need to learn patience.

“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope”