Memoirs of a Young, Selfish & Dumb girl...

There probably aint nothing I can say
To make this better.
Not a word or a poem to fill this void.
Not a novel, short story, or a letter
Could ever take the place of what I’ve destroyed.

So young, selfish, and just plain dumb
For thinking I could play around with temptation
And never be succumbed.

I thought I was invincible
Had been doing it for so long
Didn’t think that it would ever happen to me
But time has proven I was wrong.

So young, intelligent, and beautiful
I have the world in the palm of my hands
How foolish it was of I….
To be sleeping with another womans man.

You see,
I knew it could never work out
But I was just having fun,
I knew he wasn’t the marrying type
I knew he wasn’t the one!

I played a game with my life
Not caring who I hurt in the way
I knew what people said behind my back
But I didn’t care what they had to say…

I just wanted to have fun,
So naïve, so reckless, so young.

I’m sorry!

I truly am!
I never meant for it to happen this way.
I can’t even look myself in the mirror
I don’t eat, I can’t sleep, I won’t pray.

I reminisce on all those nights
Laying up in his arms…
Summer months he was keeping me cool,
Winter nights he was keeping me warm.

So young, such a fool, crazy in love with that man!
But I knew it would never work out
And having his baby wasn’t part of the plan.

I’m sorry! I can’t say it enough
Walking around acting all tough
Like I was a big girl
And he finally called my bluff.

I was playing with fire!
I knew I was gonna get burned,
But I was prepared for the flames I thought
I thought wrong…that’s a lesson learned.

Four months after I broke the news.
He called it quits on me.
Four months after he found out about you
He decided he just wasn’t meant for me.

Trapped between a rock and a hard place they say
Which way do I turn?
I wasn’t prepared to have a baby
There was still so much I had to learn!

I’m sorry, but what do you want me to do?
I wasn’t interested in being nobody’s baby’s mama
When I’m still a baby too!
He has an ex wife and two kids,
One of which is damn near grown.
He’s twice my age
Established in life
And it just all felt so wrong…

I’m sorry, but you were just not an option
Sure I had other choices, like raising you myself
Or even considering adoption.
But I’m young, selfish, and prideful…
That’s why no one ever knew…
Laying on that operating table wide awake
But it was something I had to do.

It was either have an abortion
Or have you living aborted.
Kept repeating to myself..
“There’s no way I can support it”

I don’t know if you were a girl or a boy
Who knows who you would’ve grown up to be
But I do wonder till this day.
Would you look like my lost love

Or would you look just like me?