Love Chronicles: This shit AINT a fairytale

*This note may or may not contain graphic material, profane language, and shit not suitable for minors <---- that's ur warning to hit the "back" button or the "red x" in the upper right hand corner..I'm very comfortable with who I am, the skin I'm in, and my sexuality...I'm human, I have hormones, I screw...all a part of the great cycle of life...get over it

If u read this I don't need u judging me..Shit I'm still trying to figure out what I'm gonna tell GOD when judgment day comes and he asks me about most of the dirt I'm doing...that's stressful enough*

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soooooo....

My love life is completely in the PITS right now.. POTS(I'll tell u about this later) can't make up his damn mind on what the hell he wanna do, and I'm tired of waiting around. I played wifey for 2 1/2 damn yrs holding it down for his ass.....but that's a different Love Chronicles..continuing with the matter at hand.

-The Church boy, now it's already been pretty much established that we CAN'T be in a relationship. He is still stuck on his baby mama deeply hurt by whatever the hell she did to him, and I'm just not into mending broken hearts. you better call on the LORD for that because the shit aint in my job description(unless of course I'm the one that broke ur heart in the first place)...so anyway. Met him at school 22, really nice guy, except:
he don't know what he wants out of life,
and he's a homophobe.<--- I have GAY friends..and i LOVE my GAY FRIENDS!!!!

anywho..... Now I can tell that he's had some problems w/ alcohol abuse in his past, but i THOUGHT he was kinda over that..*eye rolll* I thought wrong.

This is why I THOUGHT he was through battling his alcohol addiction...He's a "reborn" or whatever kinda Christian..he just found Jesus and now his ass is majorly OVERCOMPENSATING(fucking annoying)..again *eye roll*. Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate a man with some religion, however don't go waving that shit around in my face like I'm trying to find some too. My PERSONAL relationship w/ the LORD is JUST FINE!!!

Anyway..the dude is a major backslider..which is ok, I aint judging him, but he's way too hard on himself, and he just has some issues that he needs to work on. Ex(which leads to the point of the story) few weeks ago we ALMOST had sex...actually we had started and then he STOPPED(out of nowhere) talking about "I'm waiting till marriage, this aint right, this don't line up with my new beliefs, and blah blah blah"..Needless to say I was effing pissed!!!!! Excuse you, I asked u if you were sure BEFORE we started and u kept putting it in..now u wanna stop BEFORE i get mine *lip smack*...BUT I kept it real cool, and was just like.."Ok that's fine"<---- I knew right then, it wasn't gonna work, I'm not interested in waiting..at least not until marriage.

Well we continued to date and everything because his convo was good, like I said before nice guy, just don't know what in the HAYLE he wants....

well last night(and he's sprawled out over my bed as we speak) he came over....intoxicated(this is important, remember this) Well I didn't know he was under the influence(he has bad breath and I wasn't trying to get that close)...well he pulled out a small bottle of liquor(ok no big deal) and then he started getting frisky...This is when my EMOTIONAL WALLS started to COME UP!!!!


HOLD THE FUCK UP........ ARE U GETTING FREAKY????
I calmly stated "don't tempt yourself, you're waiting until marriage remember"...then I got the whole *feigned surprise* "OH, I SAID THAT??" <---- yes nigga u did *PAUSE* This is him using ALCOHOL as an EXCUSE to get freaky...i bet he gonna wake up and say he don't remember

Now I'm thinking..this aint gonna be a repeat of the first time...he aint gonna get me hot and bothered and then stop because he found Jesus in the middle of our sexing(which I personally think he busted early and was embarrassed to admit it the first time, b/c nobody just friggin STOPS!!) Well he makes slick comments all night, and i brush them off completely..not gonna fool me again.

So bottom line..he gets me hot and bothered....we screw, he busts, he flushes the condom, and rolls over...all this within a 10 minute time frame...*PAUSE* YES I SAID IT 10 DAMN MINUTES....

Now... *sigh* I'm upset...notice the phrase HE BUSTS....that's singular...Where my nut at?? 10 minutes really??? and then we didn't cuddle but u spent ALL damn night in MY bed?? Sprawled the fuck out like u paying bills???I have a motto I live by: IF I DON'T CUM, IT DON'T COUNT!!!!!

He has life messed up..so I'm trying to figure out the nicest way to tell him that he needs to get the fuck up...I don't like him anymore, not interested in dating him, or being his girlfriend or none of that other shit...the sex ruined it....he was better off sticking by that bullshit ass "saving self for marriage" crap, cuz quite frankly ANY chance he had w/ me is now GONE out the window..by his actions from last night he demonstrated 3 things to me:
1) He can't handle me(he was in control for the most part, but soon as I started throwing it back....he choked)
2) He don't finish what he started(that goes back to me NOT getting mine)
3) He's not a man of his word( I didn't seduce him, he seduced me)

^^^^ I don't need none of this shit in my life
Now don't get me wrong...I'm not shallow..SEX IS NOT MY LIFE but it is a nice part of any intimate relationship..and I'm not ditching him b/c the sex was bad. I'm ditching him b/c his ass is tooo unpredictable for me, he pops up at my house...w/o callin before hand, and he aint bringing flowers
he still got something going on with the BM that I aint understanding..don't want to understand really, I took a chance and lost the bet... he's the perfect example of a package, that aint being delivered... his perfect chick is out there somewhere, but I aint it...

and so..the saga will resume
...to be continued