Love Chronicles: Letter to my Ex-es, Currents,Stalkers & Potential Lovers

Dear *Insert name of butt buddy here*
*Sigh* Negro, MY LIFE does NOT revolve around you! Please stop texting me at midnight asking me to come over so YOU can get some! UMMM, NIGGA NO! The dick peen aint THAT damn good! I'm trying to get my beauty rest, I gotta work and SCHOOL IN THE MORNING, and u blowing up my damn phone so YOU can get your itty bitty dick noodle wet! AND it's cold outside.... *presidential side eye* get your life right BEFORE I have to cut you....eeek

THEN you have the nerve to always be calling me asking what I'm cooking, can I come cook for you, bring you something to eat, and etc, etc, etc... *sigh*eyeroll*lipsmack combination* We just FUCKED! I'm not your girlfriend, your wifey, your baby mama, your jumpoff, sideline, crazy broad, and whatever else u niggas are calling chicks that you have frequent relations with. Once again WE JUST FUCKED! The only benefits you will receive from just a fuck, is a nut! Anything else is extra, unnecessary and NOT in my job description. *swag face* You don't mean shit to me, I don't have any sympathy for you, or any obligations to you. You're nothing more than a peen attached to a half of a brain and a nice body.... We clear yet?? GOOD!

Dear *Inserting the names of a few of my Ex boyfriends here*

Stop telling me that you miss what we had.... I was 14,15, 16ish and I did not take you seriously...at all! Like, theres a reason why we aren't together!!! And with this distance between us, we probably aint gonna get back together any time soon! As soon as I get my degree, I'm going to GRAD SCHOOL in another STATE! FAR FAR AWAY FROM KANSAS!!! Where do you fit in? I don't love u enough or at all, to try to make shit work out from a distance, i would rather start anew! I mean if things are meant to be, then it will be, but I aint holding my breath about it. I mean it's cool, and I'm flattered and all that yall think about me like that, and yall wanna get back with me, but honestly unless we were like really tight, it aint gonna happen. And some of yall i had "irreconcilable" differences with... There's no bouncing back from that. But it's cool, we can still be friends ;). I wish you nothing but the best <--- well second best, cuz we all know I AM THE BEST *chuckles*.

I'm just saying stop crying over effing spilled milk, there aint NOTHING we can do about it. The girl for you is out there somewhere, it's just not me. And nobody took your place, you each have ur lil corner of my heart or something, but u just don't have my heart. And I apologize if ur feelings are hurt b/c u felt like we had something "special" but it wasn't that special. We still cool though??? Right?

Dear *Insert name of persistent bum ass fool here a.k.a Stalker*

I bought a can of mace today...just for you.
And I will use it!
Get a hint, you can't come over, stop calling, stop texting, and stop popping up randomly at my house. After I graduate from the mace I'm moving up to a 22. Malcolm X said "By all means necessary, but In the words of Jigga Man "Don't let the necessary occur".
We clear on that??? GOOD!

Dear *Insert name of interests, Aspirants, potential boyfriends, lovers, and friends*

If you must step to me, do it correctly.Respectfully, charming, and original.  
Quite frankly I wanna be impressed. Dick size doesn't impress me, size of bank account doesn't impress me, your shoe game, bling-bling, cars... and etc, doesn't do shit for me!
Quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, be able to keep up with a convo about Americas current Foreign Policy, aspire to do something other than rap, sing, play a pro sport, or sell drugs, and then we can talk. Please don't come to me and you don't have anything working for you....or if your not working. If we can't NEVA chill at your house cuz "somebody always there" lose my number, if I always gotta pick YOU up...lose my number. If you plan on ur 3 hots and a cot coming from me...lose my number. I don't have any children, and I aint looking to adopt yours..lose my number! Don't be salty about the shit, i'm just keeping it real. I'm grown, and if you can't compliment me, as well as I compliment you, don't even ask for my name.

Hope these tips helped you out.
Love, Mo

"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”