Love Chronicles: You are NOT my father....

So, I'm 20, and I have a thing for older males. My daddy is 63 and my brother is 40 so if you aren't older than them than you're pretty much date-able to me. But only one problem, older men seem to think they are my damn daddy. I mean dude, I know there is a significant age gap here but I'm a grown ass woman. I don't ask you for shit, I don't throw tantrums, you're not financially supporting me so miss me with the daddy shit. You're my man, or potential man NOT my father. I have one of those and damnit I'm kinda waiting for him to kick the bucket!

So what inspired this post? Well I'm talking to a 30 year old (In addition to Mr. Que Psi Phi) and he likes me or whatever. So he'll say something like "call me later" I'll say for him to just call me instead because I'll forget, everyone knows I'm super damn busy including him... He must have said "well if I'm that easy to forget we need not talk then" *pause* first off NIGGA, you're the one sniffing around my draws like a dog in the park, NOT the other way around and I need you to get out your damn feelings real quick like. My day does not revolve around calling or thinking about YOU! I'm not going to drop everything I'm doing to make you feel wanted because this is not how I operate. I'm a young woman with a life, and things to accomplish, either get with it or get lost.

I just don't damn understand it. Just like another older guy I was messing around with but not in a relationship with got upset because he wasn't the only guy I had on my plate.. Umm excuse you but you own no rights to my body or my mind. You don't want a relationship with me and that's fine but why the hell did you just tell me that you better be the only man in my bed.. You said MY BED.. At the house where only I pay bills at? and you're trying to dictate who comes in goes in MY house??

*presidential side-fucking-eye* get your life together. I'm not your child.

Story of My Life

This is the cutest pic ever!!!

Love Chronicles: Riddle Me This

Why would he care who else I'm screwing (not that I am) and he doesn't want a relationship right now.

So, the boo is worried about my sleep patterns, because I don't really get enough of it. I mean I sleep, but at weird hours.. yeah I know. Anywho, I text him and told him the other week "oh and btw, I got some good sleep last night" his reply.. "damn, what did you get some good dick or something?"... *pause*.. does it matter? do you care? why would you ask that??? So of course, I asked him! he said yes he does care, but it's my body and I would do whatever with it... Sounds like bullshit to me.

So now I need a man opinion. I mean I've gotten a guys opinion on this before, but I need a poll, because I'm that chick that likes to make sure I've explored all options. Either it's his ego, he really does want a relationship with me and he's getting possessive. Or I just got some bomb sex and he doesn't wanna share.. I really have no clue. Though he did tell me it was a combination of all 3.. I felt like that was a cop out. Who knows. 

Love Chronicles: Lemme rub you down (yall remember that song)

*sigh* I told yall Lucky Number 7 play football right? This can be used to my advantage (and his too) we get a lot of intimate time in w/o the sex. Just time to enjoy each others company and talk (well as much as I can get out of him) and touch... With oil... because after 2 a days he's worn out, and in pain, and since i have magical fingers, I get the pleasure of making him feel  better. This is nice. This is real nice. I'm so glad that this isn't a strictly sexual relationship and that we actually communicate. I'm itching to learn his love language. Mine are words of affirmation ;). I think his may be quality time or acts of service. Maybe even physical touch. Either or I can deal.

Love Chronicles: You have a call from (blank) an Inmate at...

Dear POTS,
What are we gonna do sweetie? I love you with every fiber of my being but I won't continue to play the fool. You are back in Prison, this time for a year, but you're still there. And I'm here unprotected, unloved, vulnerable and I won't allow you to play on my weaknesses like that anymore. Baby, I'm not 15. I'm not so naive to the world that I think the sun rises with your smile and fades with your tears. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm a woman, all woman, and you have proven I may just be too much woman for you. I appreciate you for all that you've given me, the knowledge the hurt, the pain, the babies with other women, the embarrassment.. I do, because of you I know my worth, and I know that the shit you gave me, isn't what I'll be taking from any other man ever again.

You called me and said you had something for me when you got out.. something real special. For a moment, just a moment I wondered what it was. What you had for me! Then reality hit, you aint got shit for me because you're not in the position to give me anything but lies and game to get what you want. I'm here for you strictly as support because I never want to see you down, but if you think for more than a nano second that I'm gonna trip and fall over your game again. You will regret that thought. I'm so tired of these games you play and only out of love am I even concerned for you or your well being. I don't want to see you fail but honey... if the difference between my success and your success is you pulling me down to pick yourself up, I'm letting go of your hands right now! I refuse to be caught in this bullshit with you when I know that I am a very loving and nurturing woman that wants nothing more than to make MY MAN happy.. and I know that when I find that man it will be forever. I'm an asset, and a great partner, too bad you missed your chance to find that out. I'm moving on slowly but surely.

Love Chronicles: Que Dawg or Omega Man

Oh Mr. Que Psi Phi....
Age: 20
Occupation: Full time student/football player
Sign: Aries (lot in common)
Occasional chiefer, no kids, nice guy, fun to be around, and he lays pipe..... too good. *bless him*
I aint gonna front.. I'm digging this guy, he is definitely a leader, the fact that he plays ball says that he's a team player.. but is he a team PLAYER?? Like.. I know I gotta trust him one day, but he is a starting player on the football team.. AND a Neophyte in his frat.. and though I'm not greek, I do know that ppl tend to get real loose after they cross and with the name NASTY QUE DAWG to live up to, I'm not sure I'm ready to pull out the doggy bowls and shit just yet. While he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him, he hasn't given me a reason to want to love him with everything I've got either. True enough I show him lots of affection (maybe too much seeing that we're just friends) but I honestly don't wanna stop. This guy is the biz, and I honestly haven't felt this way about a man since *sigh* the jail bird.. who by the way will be featured (again) in an upcoming Love Chronicles. But you can't tell a man that you're digging them w/o them thinking you're bat shit or becoming attached and blah blah blah.. so I'll keep it to myself.

So far I've expressed my "interest" in him, but what I haven't said is "you make me look fwd to possibilities"... Because I'm afraid he may think it's much.. and though I'm basically saying "i like u" I can't just say "I like you" because I'm a writer and it's my job to make shit sound better than what it really is. DUH! smh. I am infatuated with this guy. I won't deny it, yes I wished he felt the same way, but no I don't expect him too, I'm perfectly fine with it if he doesn't. It's unrealistic to expect every guy I show an emotion for to reciprocate, doesn't make sense, doesn't have to. It's unfortunate though because as said previously he def has some boyfriend potential my main concern is whether or not he's caught up with being a Que Dawg or Omega Man because there is a huge difference (even though when he licks out his tongue I be ready to cum on the spot.. lawd have mercy, I'm a sinner). Dawgs are just that.. but Omega Men.. oh they are some exceptional brothas.. I've seen them, I want one. And lets not get it twisted, this aint about his letters, he has so much more to offer me than that, but they are a plus because I know he's involved, and he works hard, an achiever hell his GPA is better than mine (who knew jocks had brains) AND he's a gentleman.. or that could be a front. Who knows? But I'm willing to find out.  

I'm such a Wimp

.. Guess what I'm doing right now?? Hiding out in my house! Playing hookie from the gym.. that I pay 30 dollars a month to utilize.. today would have been my first official day BUT when an associate asked me to come she failed to mention she would be with a group.. Ok.. now the reason I joined a 24hr gym in the first place was so that I could work out... uninterrupted and alone if I wasn't gonna be with a friend.. not so an entire group of ppl can watch how my thighs jiggle when I run. Yes, I am very self conscious, I wanna lose about 30 or so lbs and I do not want to do it in front of a bunch of skinny women.. there's a quote that goes something like this "A womans greatest joy is finding a woman fatter than she is".... can't recall who that is by but umm, you get my drift. I'll just wait till 2 in the morning to go.. alone.

Love Chronicles: The Set up

So, my Love Chronicles about the current guy I'm talking to is in the drafts because I got busy, but before I decide to finish it..there's some shit I gotta get off my chest because I know.. I'm dead... ass.. wrong. Mr. Lucky Number 7/ Mr. Que Psi Phi is what he'll be introduced as and he doesn't want a relationship. We've talked about it and after whatever happened between him and his ex I think he's pretty much scarred for life. He's not willing to take a chance with someone new because it's time consuming, you have to get to know them, court them, do your best to impress them and blah blah blah.. it's very draining.. I agree, except that I haven't given up on giving someone else the chance to win over my heart. In fact at this very moment, I am more open than ever to truly being THAT WOMAN.. The best friend, lover, confidant.. all that good stuff. The help mate (and I'm not even religious), I just want to be needed, but not taken advantage of.. Moving on.

He's not ready for a relationship, any other time with any other guy, this would be an issue and I wouldn't stand for it. I've longed ago began to differentiate between just a fuck, and a guy with boyfriend potential.. and he's definitely boyfriend potential despite the scarring, but I guess good women are like bandages right?? We make all wounds better... So I'm wrong because we've been having a sexual relationship, with  no signs of commitment only a "I mean if I didn't care about you I wouldn't let this go so far"... now, I know the game, and I know damn well that a man will take it that far just for some pussy.. will tell you anything u want to hear to get the goods. But.. this guy seems too sincere. I can smell bullshit from a mile away but for some reason when he's near all I smell is roses. He honestly isn't giving me the vibes that he's just bull shitting me, and that's where this set up comes in. He said it clear as day to me, no mumbling no nothing, this is not a good time for a relationship.. he plays football so that's understandable.. This semester I'll be busy with some top secret stuff myself *smile* so I'm all for it. Ok, this isn't a good semester for him.. But hold up, this sounds too familiar. Ok now I remember my best friend told me the same thing after we started fucking then 2 weeks later he had a girlfriend that wasn't me.

I'm not anxious to have that happen again.. I was deeply hurt by that, and I told Lucky Number 7 this. But I also told him, that if he decided I wasn't the girl for him, I wouldn't be mad at him at all because I know I know better than to completely set the red flags on fire just to get temporary gratification.If this doesn't end up how I want it to yes I will be hurt, but no I will not be angry. Because the truth is that this is a set up. And I orchestrated the entire thing.

Ladies take a lesson from me, a man will tell you the truth you just gotta listen. But you can't be upset when you choose to hear what he didn't say.

Love Chronicles: Somebody Loves Ya Baby

So I read a text msg sent from my friends phone to her live in baby daddy it said "What u mean I'm messing with other niggas, dnt nobody else want me, you said so yourself I'm too fat and ugly"... so upon further investigations of my best friends inbox I find what brought on this comment "You need to do something with yourself, I'm tired of your body going every which way, I dnt even wanna fuck you no more." ... Ok.. surely this TRIFLING NIGGA can't be telling THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD (who has never been too small by the way) that he's not attracted to her b/c she gained weight... after having his baby...right? Somebody please tell me I'm wrong.


 But you know. the thing that really puts the icing on the cake is that she let him. How can you let a man bring down your self esteem so much that you're afraid to leave b/c you think no one else wants you. There is somebody out there for everybody no matter who you are, and I've read up on relationships and stuff and what I found out is.. Sex appeal is 50% what ppl see, and 50% what you make them believe!

It really hurts my heart to see her this way, I mean.. this nigga aint even super fine.. and he's short.. he's not cute at all.. and his dick is little... <-- yes I said it, no it's not what u think.. or maybe it is.. *sigh* that's a whole nother story but I promise I wasn't being scandalous. Anyway.. Best friend if ur reading this.. Somebody loves you, and don't you ever let a man determine your self worth.

Love Chronicles: Finally Over

So today I got the very heart wrenching not really phone call from Mr. Chivalry that we should break up... I replied.. "Ok"... he was stuck on stupid.. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it.. Umm, nope, nothing to talk about. Bye!

And that was our entire conversation. Later however he revealed to me that he had gotten kicked out of school because of his grades and he needed to raise them.. Now I knew his grades were effed up, BUT he failed to mention that he had gotten kicked out.. must have been that ego. Smh.. well, that's a burden off me! I'm happy about it. :D

I'd Go Gay for her.....no questions asked

Love Chronicles: What I Really Want

Maybe it's just best if I comprised a list of what "works" for me, things I want that I'm not willing to compromise in my relationships.. so that I won't be disappointed.

I would like a man that is cigarette free and non dependent of other substances... basically you can chief just don't be a weed head! (or a drug dealer)

A man that isn't physically abusive. Has goals, and is working to achieve them, no kids(heavens no), no hangups on women that have their priorities straight <-- just means don't be insecure, An understanding man, one that's already sowed all his wild oats, I'm not a zookeeper and I'm not trying to tame your ass. A man with a job/and or a man that participates in something that may get him a job (like sports if ur a college student)... Please.. no rappers. I don't want a mamas boy ever again *flashback*. A man that pulls up his pants, is well read, and respectable, doesn't have to be chivalrous.. just respectable... Im not asking for this man to be cut, and buff, and Tyson Beckford sexy... Just be lookable, care about your appearance (to an extent) and be comfortable with who you are. This isn't much... I didn't say nothing about finances, or superhero strength or nothing... These are my standards.. there are probably more.. but these are the basics.. not too much.. right?

Love Chronicles: Meet Mr. Chivalry

So I've attempted to try something new by dating guys my own age (20)... and well, it's not working. So since about March I've been in a relationship with this UBER nice guy, but he's an asshole. <-- That's what I said..

Ok so, he's Mr. Chivalry pulls out chairs, opens up doors, carries all bags, super anxious to be Mr. Fix- It even if he doesn't know what he's doing... and that may be a problem. Because behind all that is a huge EGO... but he can't back it up. See, Mr. Chivalry feels the need to beat his chest every minute and point out just how "manly" he is, and I'm not digging that, he also doesn't think women should have an opinion.... *pause* I'm gonna just leave that alone.

Ok so he is very respectful, doesn't raise his voice to me, we never argue, or anything so what's the problem? Am I just finding something to be wrong with him? I've given this much thought which is the reason we still haven't broken up, i mean I tried something new, he pulls up his pants, doesn't smoke or drink, or curse, he speaks intelligently enough, in college, has goals, no kids.. I was his first... BUT I don't like him. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want a thugged out, weed smoking, baby making rolling stone.. not at all, but can I get a man with more personality?? I mean damn this guy is drier than nun pussy! And he walks around with his chest out talking about how much of a man he is and he's not even laying the pipe properly! Lord, take the wheel and give me a 10 inch dildo! It came to the point the last time we were involved.. I just told him to get up.. flat out.. just get off me.

Now before u get to hollering about how much of a beyotch I am, consider this.. I've already tried to teach him and gave him uber tips on how to get better.. BUT because he's such a caveman.. guess who didn't listen?? *sigh* I just think he's better off with a woman who grew up sheltered like him. I mean I cook <-- he won't eat.. won't even attempt to save some room in his belly to see what I have to offer "because he's eating with the family tonight" like he does EVERY NIGHT! and umm, I'm not gonna get too serious with a man who only eats his mamas cooking.. because nothing I do will ever satisfy him. I'm so done with this relationship, he can't handle that I don't need him. He had the nerve to tell me "wow baby, I didn't know you knew how to use a hammer..." *pause* it's a hammer. I'm not helpless. Bottom line THIS aint working for me no more...

If I Were a Boy.. I tried Being a Man

Just found out that
the baby that isn't yours
has your last name,
you told me that if the tables
were turned
and it was me
you'd still do the same.

Also said that I made you feel
like less of a man
growing closer to the ground
told me the last feeling
you ever remember having was
"As long as she don't find
the right one,
she'll keep me around"
And all I can do is turn my smile
upside down

at this painstakingly true revelation.
Even though you put me in control
of our relationship
I wanted to be a dictator of all nations.
Steady popping off at the mouth
running my gums
I ran you away
right into another womans arms.

And all I can say is
I apologize,
for the falsified truths,
games, and lies,
for thinking I was better than you
instead of being proud
of my prize.

I'm sorry for wearing
the pants, hats, and the boxer briefs
Trying to be the man
brought you all the grief,
Trying to be the woman
bringing you all the beef

soon as you walked through the door
I'm going through your phone
Calling everybody else
if you wasn't at home.

Checking texts, phone bills,
and social websites,
Playing Inspector Gadget
when you fell asleep some nights.
Soaking up all the praise
and putting you
in a bad light.

And all I can say is
I apologize
for making a grown man cry
While you were in love
I was trying to be fly

in all the clubs
cheating, having one night stands
and if anybody asked,
I never had a man.

The roles were reversed
I was living a bachelors lifestyle
Drinking, screwing, doing whatever I wanted
just being hella wild...
Pushing you to her,
Laughing cause I don't even know
this hoe name,
all I know is she took my place
and now shit just aint
the same.

But sorry aint enough
to get you back in my grasp
I started loving you,
when you stopped loving me
and now you don't even want my black ass

Trying to think of what a man would do
if he were in this situation,
but a mans thinking is what got me in this place and
I'm tired of acting like a little boy,
I'm ready to wear a womans heels
and if that means washing, ironing, cleaning
and preparing all your meals.
I'm down,
I'm just sick of acting like a man
Tired of looking like a clown,

trying to play the role of Oscar
when I'm not gonna win it,
I'm stepping out of character
so you can step in it.
I tried being a man,
But the clothes aint fit,
and If I were a boy,
I wouldn't be shit
so, please accept my apology
in the form of a letter,
I tried being a man,
but i realized,

you do it much better.

Confessions of a fat girl: I dnt look good in a dress

Well my thighs look good.. and I fill them out nicely.. but something.. something aint quite right. Oh.. maybe it's the fact that now when I lift my arms.. something jiggles. And I can't suck my belly in and make it look flat anymore :(. Damnit I'm getting fat, but I thought I was slimming up. Hmm. well good thing me and the boo are going running tomorrow at 5am. I dnt like it one bit.. but I'd rather not be obese. I guess it's time for me to get my life in order.. P90X, Insanity.. Gilad full body workout! SOMETHING!

It's My Birffday! I'll be FLY if I want too!!!

Oh and Shout out to Unpretentious Narcissist it's his birthday too! So go show him some L O V E

Me when I was 3!!!!



20 never looked so good ;)

Do you know what today is??? 4/11/2010

It's my NAPTURALVERSARY!!!! 

 This pic was taken a couple of weeks after my b/c.. I did my makeup ;)







The below pic was taken on my BIRTHDAY Apr 15, 2009(19yrs) just 4 days after my b/c ;)

 Me today ;)

Love Chronicles: Mirror Mirror

*cues Kelly Price Mirror Mirror - My remix*

Was looking for love, and never could find it

while he's standing there but

I was so blinded

by the gold in his grill,

When I looked at this nigga

I saw a house a house and 3 meals,

Kids, cars, vacations, and a dog....

smh.. yes, yes, once upon a time I was one of those girls. But you know, I'm growing up now and that thug appeal.. it's no more. I mean sure, the tatts, the muscles, the charm, oh the smiles, the feeling that you will be protected while with this man, and the FANTABOLOUS SEX! will be missed, and even craved from time to time, but when I meet guys now, I'm more into trying to figure out the odds of me having to bail him out of jail, how likely it is that he'll live past the age of 30, and if I'm gonna have drama with hoochies. And best believe if I have any kind of ill feelings whatsoever that man is dismissed! And while the whole "bad boy" thing isn't completely out of my system, I think more rationally now, and I dnt give a damn how much my pussy need a pounding like an opponent in a Mayweather fight... I won't set myself up. Those types of men rarely commit, they don't reserve the right to call themselves men, and I'm probably NOT gonna be the only woman in his life(cuz a man with good dick, is a man that rarely keeps it to himself)...

With all this being said... I'm falling for a nerd. More specifically my math tutor *dreamy eyes*... I've never dated a guy my age before. And he's my age. He's so awesome! I mean genuinely terrific! It's been 3months! We've only been together for a couple of weeks, but dated for 3 months I should say, and lemme tell you, he has a job, loves his mama, is pursuing a collegiate education in computer science, wants to attend Howard for grad school, and I can hold an INTELLIGENT conversation with him.. and he makes me laugh, but he's so corny he's cute, always showering me with affection(i'm still getting used to this) opens all my doors, MAKES ME SANDWICHES.. foot massages, dates multiple times a week, his cell phone isn't always blowing up. Low haircut, pants pulled up, belt, I've never heard him use the word nigga, bitch, or hoe. He speaks proper english, no gold teeth, earrings, or tattoos.. Damnit! I GOT THE NEXT BLACK PRESIDENT!! *sigh* My grandmama would be so proud.

I really like this guy, he's working out with me b/c he wants me to be happy with myself, his mom packs me lunches when she makes theres(I know.. i know.. that's what I said, she's too nice), I'm always over for dinner, nice family.. Perfect 10! He's quiet, timid even, but can be assertive so I don't just walk all over him, he tells me no(but I told him not to get too used to that) and he enjoys being with me, told me I make him laugh and he's glad i'm not as timid as he is(opposites attract right?) Oh.. and he was a virgin when I met him *clears throat*Don't judge me, we waited.. for a lil bit... But I mean,  I like him so umm, why wait? And I dnt feel horrible about it, cause he is a FREAK! .. ok i quit. lol

Bottom line, ladies, the greatest things come in the most unlikeliest packages! I was looking for love, and you know where I found it? At school in math tutoring.. go figure? Finding a man at school?? Where they do that at?? lol. j/p I'm just ecstatic! I got me a good black man who has goals, a plan, and isn't afraid of commitment.  SCORE!

^^^ And this is what I won't ever do again ;)

You'ze A Hoe... Sideline Hoe

You said you need someone to swallow his kids???

Well where the hell do I sign up?? smh.. so delicious!